First!
Hello world! This is my first post on this new blog. Actually, it’s the second because I was SO excited about creating this space that I wrote a post in my notes app last week.
Tonight it’s not so much excitement but a need for distraction that has me writing in here right now. l decided that this blog and my channel would NOT be a place for me to talk about painful things, tho. So that part of my life I need a distraction from will need to remain where it is; in my past. The only thing I’ll say about it – and then I’ll let it go – is that it is 100% the reason I’m here now on this blog and the reason I have started a vlog as well. Did it drive me to do this, tho? Nope! It’s simply not there to stop me. I’m beginning to rediscover the person I used to be. That’s all!
Having a VLOG on YouTube isn’t something I would have considered doing. Not because I never had the desire – because I absolutely did! – but because I was always too worried about what others would think. But you know what? Life is too short for that!
I’m not a spring chicken anymore and maybe in a way it’s what I get to leave behind when the inevitable end catches up to me. Don’t get me wrong, I want to live forever! But nobody gets to do that. I’ve wasted enough years of my life already on things that did not deserve them including my worries about what other people will think of me if I did X, Y, or Z. So screw that!
Wow, this post took a morose turn with my talk about death, so let me add a couple things to this to give perspective where I’m coming from. I was obsessed with death in my 20’s and not in a good way either. I just couldn’t stop thinking about what that would be like for me. I was terrified of it. But life went on and I hooked up with someone I thought was a good person and eventually squeezed out three kids. When you have kids, everything changes. I guess I had to start thinking – or obsessing – about other things, like all the hundreds of ways my kids might get hurt so keeping them safe was no. 1 priority.
Somewhere in between all of that I lost all fear of death for myself. I know death will come one day. That’s all. No need to read more into that … than that!
My main reason for this blog? FUN! It’s just damned fun for me right now!