I had some kind of epiphany today
[the following is a copy/paste from notes]
I got SUCH a huge bug to WRITE right now and to write it in a NEW BLOG that I just registered a new domain (this one) and immediately started writing this in notepad because I don’t have WordPress set up yet. If I wasn’t working my 9 to 5, I’d be building that new blog instead!!
WHY do I get these obsessive NEEDS to CREATE shit on the fly? I don’t know…
I WISH I could hit the PAUSE button on it for a more convenient time like AFTER WORK.
But I DO have to work NOW, so the alternative will be this: notepad.
I needed to get this thought down tho stop here goes.
I love what I do for a living. I love my job right now! So you’ll understand why I DON’T love it when I’m so filled with an obsession to do something else that leads to my neglecting my J.O.B. for any length of time. It fills me with anxiety so I had been thinking about this a lot this week because I feel I had been neglecting my job for the last 3 days. … which increases my level of anxiety …which makes me feel tightness in my chest and makes me feel unwell.
SO I had this thought….
I have an obsessive personality and I have managed to pull the reigns in on that over the years successfully. Sometimes not so successfully.
Managing my obsessions is like managing a person with a heroine/crack/food addiction when the problem isn’t their addictions, but their balance between those addictions.
I don’t need to STOP my obsessions, I need to balance out the time I spend between said obsessions.
OMG Epiphany!!!!
The woman who wrote “Eat, Pray, Love” said something in one of her speeches years ago which stuck with me ever since. I’m paraphrasing here but she said that she wishes she could butterfly her way thru life, but she can’t. She just isn’t built that way.
My epiphany is that the solution for people like me (and maybe her) is not to become the butterfly – because we just can’t – but to put ourselves on maintenance medicine. I need to encourage the re-focusing of attention between these obsessions.
That’s it! I got my thoughts out.
NOW I can get back to my 9-5!!